There are no words for me. I lost them. All of them, gone. I know when I lost them. I lost them almost three months ago. June 15th, 6:42 p.m., to be exact. Since that day, I have no words. They elude me as I stare blankly at the screen. No matter what I do, words fail to form for me. Even this little nothing entry has taken me hours to write today. On that day I lost so much more than just my words. I lost my father. But I had to write something today. I just had to. I had to try to dig those words up and spew them onto the screen no matter how it turned out. Because today is my fathers birthday. Or at least it would have been. Had cancer not stolen him from my family and I, he would have been 61 today.
I wanted so badly to be able to write something nice for him, but I can’t. The words still elude me. The only thing I can even think to say is…
Happy Birthday Dad.
I love you and I miss you.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ― C.S. Lewis