They Don’t Die…They Multiply!

In my last post, I made a vague reference to something I found creepy. I think I should elaborate.

It might help with some confusion. So what do you find so creepy you had to install a mod to fix it?


Oh, wait let me guess.





Not even close…


If only…









Werewolf ghost vampire dragon hybrids that eat giant toes, fart rainbows, burp lollipops, piss hot ale, crap gold, breath lightning and sneeze thunder??

No…Wait, what?


That’s not even a thing!… Is it?

I don’t know but how awesome would that be?

That would be pretty cool.

Damn it, man, I give up, what is the creepiest thing in Skyrim?



Yes, children.

The children?


Of Skyrim?


Children are the creepiest thing you’ve seen?

Hell yes!

That’s it you have officially lost it. What the hell man, they are just kids.

Oh no! No! Those are not kids.



I know I am going to regret this. Well, what are they?




I knew I would regret this. There is no such thing as clones, they are not clones of just little kids.

Okay, but how do you explain their existence?

 I thought someone had this talk with you, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they give one another a special naked time hug…

Don’t patronize me! 

Do you not hear yourself? You sound like a lunatic!

You don’t believe me?

Not really. No

Well, it’s a good thing I have proof.

What proof?

This proof!

Something ain't right with these kids!
Something ain’t right with these kids!

Okay, what the hell am I looking at here?

You don’t see it?

No, they just look like kids.

They are all the same kid!

What?! No, they aren’t.

Yes, yes they are.

No, that one is a girl. And that boy has brown hair.

Yeah, and that is where the differences end. They are clones!

No, they aren’t.

Then you explain it.

Maybe they are triplets!

I thought you might say that but explain this!

Sure they aren't related, not at all....Seems someone has been busy serving Dibella...just saying
Sure they aren’t related, not at all…Seems someone has been busy serving Dibella…just saying


Wait… isn’t that…


And isn’t that?

Yep! Do you see it now?

Maybe, but just so I know you see it too what do you see?

They are the same damn kid! Sure they have different hair and skin colors but from their cold dead eyes to their soulless expressions and behavior. The same vacant faces devoid of individuality. They are the same kid!

Yeah, ok, I see it but how is that creepy?

Aside from someone cloning children?


Well, they were creepy in vanilla Skyrim but with Hearthfire they have gone from few to many. They now wander around the towns, watching you, studying you, begging for coin, and want you to take them home or play tag. While some of them might seem nice and possibly even friendly, there are even more who should be locked away never to be seen again. You can feel their gaze on you when you are in the market. Their beady little eyes fixated on you. Their shrill voices piercing the air as they speak and send shivers down your spine.

Now that you mention it. You can’t even kill them. Well, not without a mod at least.

And if you have that mod and kill one, you don’t even get a soul for your soul gem. They have no soul. They are creepy and evil I tell you! And with Hearthfire, they are everywhere! I am telling you, someone is trying to take over Skyrim through the clever use of cloned children. I had to stop them, don’t you see?

I do, but how?

Oh, that was simple.


Yep! I installed Xvision Children. Now all the kids of Skyrim look normal and unique. Hell, I think they even have souls now!

Nicely done good sir.

Thank you.

So, they are not creepy anymore.

Oh, no, they are still creepy.


They are still slightly creepy. I mean something as creepy as cloned children can’t go from a 10 creepiness to a 0 but it is now within normal parameters.

Oh, well that is good.

Who knows, maybe one day when you settle down you might adopt one.

Sure, maybe, I mean what? No, I don’t think I would go that far.

We shall see Zander, we shall see.

What’s that mean? And why do you have that look in your eye? Can’t I just have a dog instead? Pyrelle?….Pyrelle? Can’t we talk about this? Stop laughing!


11 thoughts on “They Don’t Die…They Multiply!

  1. The children were one of /many/ things I regretted about Hearthfire. Although I think a mod that removed kids altogether would be amazing. Maybe impossible tho. *cries*

  2. I noticed how painfully similar they were when I tried to create a few in Creation Kit. You’re right–that’s some creepy stuff. I’m glad you mentioned that mod. Redguard kids that actually LOOK like Redguard kids. That’s just amazing!

    Oh, and thanks for letting us know. I can sleep now.

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