HA! Got it in on time! I hope you all enjoy it.
Welcome to “Inside the Character Studio” please give a warm welcome to our host; Oliver Clozeoff!
Ladies and gentlemen please, would yah bring yer attention to me. Welcome to tha show, please come inside! Today we will resume our in depth look into tha life and mind of Zander Bearach, on: “Inside the Characters Studio”. I am your host Oliver Clozeoff, and as some of you might have noticed we are sans Jim Brisk.
Hey, that’s right, where is the little ass clown?
Well lad to be honest, there were some….creative differences… so I felt it in the best interest of tha show…
You canned his ass!?!
Like strawberry preserves…
BAHAHAHA! That is great!
C’mon now lad it is never good tah revel in the misfortune of others.
Yeah I know, but that was twice in two days he has gotten fired, it is freakin hilarious. I wish I could have seen his face.
Well, t’was pretty funny. But it’s okay, the big wigs of the studio already gave him a new show.
They had tah, contractual obligations.
I see, any idea what his new show is?
I think it has something tah do wit jobs.
Aye, I think its called, “Nirn’s Dirtiest Jobs” or some such, I know his first interview is wit a fella called Poopsmith.
*falls out of chair laughing*
Now tha look on his face when he got that news was priceless, but let’s get this party started shall we?
Zander mi’boy, today we are gonna delve a little deep, and the topic might be a wee bit uncomfortable.
Zander we wanna know, what is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?
Can I pass on this?
Sorry lad, yer adoring fans would string me up by muh tender bits if I let yah get away with not answering, and I enjoy my tender bits.
Understandable, now when you say “had to do” do you mean, like you were compelled to do it by an outside force or do you mean it was optional and you chose to do it of your own freewill?
Hmm… that is a rather good question but I think it means what is the most emotional, mental and physically difficult decision you ever had to make, and lets further the question.
Oh, please lets not.
Sorry mate, but the wheels are turnin, can’t yah see the smoke?
I can smell the burning rubber too. I am not going to like this am I?
Probably not, but you’ll be okay. I promise these questions won’t kill yah. They may psychologically scar yah for life but they won’t kill yah.
Great, it is what I have always wanted, more psychological trauma, like I haven’t had enough of that. Is it too late to get Jim back?
Sorry lad, that ship has sailed. Down a crap river to boot.
HA! Good one. Okay, since you are too smart to let me skip the question the way Jim Brisk did, let’s hear the question you want to add.
Questions, plural lad.
Oh happy day…this should be super fun…like a root canal.
I don’t think it’ll be that bad but, not only do I wanna know the hardest thing yah ever did. I wanna know what made it tha hardest thing tah do? And, what led up to tha decision?
Are you trying to get me to cry in public?
Not at all lad. Though if yah did shed a tear or two the ratins would be phenomenal.
I hate you so much right now.
I know lad, but tha feelin will pass. And yah know I am only teasin.
I would have to say the hardest thing I ever did was during my time at the Arena.
Lad, if you are going tah say tha hardest thing you had tah do was fight in the arena, I am gonna tell yah now, I don’t bye that.
No, nothing like that, but good catch, I would have totally used that on Jim.
Heh, okay, than please continue, we are all ears.
As you know the arena is where the Thalmor stick certain criminals in the Imperial City to fight for their amusement. I won’t get into why I was there, but once a month we were allowed one visitor. The hardest thing I ever did was refuse to see mine. At first I thought I was doing it because I didn’t want to see her after what had happened between us. I knew if I did see her I would forgive her, and that was un-thinkable. I could often hear her begging to see me, and how she wanted to explain , but I just didn’t want to hear it. After a couple of years, she stopped trying to see me and I realized the real reason I didn‘t want to see her; I didn’t want to see her because I was ashamed and didn’t want her to see me the way I was. It never really dawned on me that she could just as easily see me by paying to watch the fights. Not until I happened to glance up and I saw her watching with tears in her eyes holding onto the arm of my friend, Calder, from the town. I never saw her again after that, but I knew at that moment I made the correct choice. Maybe he could make her happy since I obviously couldn’t. Of course it took a few years to learn that until that time I would vent my rage in the confines of the arena.
That sounds rough lad.
You do have a knack for answering the questions but leaving more questions tah be answered.
A little mystery never hurts.
Aye, and we appreciate yah opening up tah us, even if we now have more to speculate on than we did before. So, what do yah say we get yah in a better mood by answering some happy audience questions?
Well, I could use a pick me up. Sure, why not.
That’s the spirit boyo. Hows about yah do tha pickin.
Okay. But no more arena questions for today okay?
*Sees a bunch of hands drop*Okay, but judging from the amount of hands that just dropped we will have tah come back tah it sometime.
That‘s fine, but not now.*scans audience* Let’s see how about you? …No not you, the petit girl behind your giant head with the “We know…but don’t care” t-shirt on.
Yes you. Do you have a question for me?
Sort of. Can you describe your ideal mate?
Look out mate yah caught a lively one!
I can see that. I can describe my ideal mate. Why, you looking to fill the position? Just kidding. I am partial to red and black hair, but have been known to be attracted to blonds and brunets as well. Any eye color is nice but I am sort of drawn to lighter eye colors like Green, Blue, or light Hazel. I think there is beauty in all shades of skin tones. She has to be smart, stupid people piss me off. Funny, a good sense of humor is always a must. Attractive, lets face it if you are not attracted to someone than what’s the point, and since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you can take that to mean what ever you like, but in general not so skinny I can play the xylophone on her rib cage and not too big either. Sensitive but not overly so, a good balance between awe look at the bunny and not giving a flying fuck is a good trait. Self confidence is a must but not so much that she is snobbish either. I have always kind of leaned towards elves, well Bosmer and Dunmer not so much Altmer, though there are some Altmer women that are kinda hot, but their personalities ruin it for me. I could go on but I think you get the picture. Hope that answers your question.
Okay mate, we have time fer one more question, yah wanna pick again or do yah want me tah do tha honors?
You can go ahead.
Alrighty hen. How about, the pretty lass in the sixth row there. *points* tha one wearin the “Redguard math: 68 and I owe you 1” shirt. Do yah have a question for Zander?
Not a question really, more of a game.
What kinda game are we talkin here lass?
Fuck, Marry, Kill
That’s a brilliant game! Hows about it Zander?
Sure how do you play?
Oh, it’s easy. You tell us who you would Fuck, Marry, and Kill and why but it none of the answers can match.
That might be kind of complicated I don’t know many people, but I will give it a shot. Lets see, just for my peace of mind are their repercussions to my choices?
Nope, it is all hypothetical.
Okay than let’s see I think I would: Fuck Jenassa, she seems like she could be real wild in the bed room, and she is a Dunmer so bonus. Marry is a tricky one because I don’t really know these people well enough, but just on first impressions I would say Ria, she seems sweet but then she might be seeing that Farkas guy, so maybe Ysolda, nah she seems too busy for marriage. Hmmm I guess maybe Carlotta but then again she is terrible flirt, no she is out….This is tough, Uthgerd is too butch, Aela is attractive but for some reason she frightens me slightly, though I am relatively certain she is an animal in the sack. *sigh* I really don’t know, I guess if I had to choose right now, maybe Karita and I would grow to enjoy her singing, but we would so move out of Dawnstar. Or maybe Abelone, she is a hard worker, she seems nice except for her practical joke on me but bygones, as far as I know she is single, unless Thoring is keeping her warm, we would definitely have to move away from Dawnstar. As for who I would Kill, that list is rather long. There is Frida and her over pricing bitchy attitude, Olfrid and Idolaf Battle-Born for their complete lack of human decency and generally being complete assholes, any and all blonde haired blue eyed male bards that can’t sing and think they are the greatest thing since the invention of ale, Embry to keep the children of Riverwood safe from drunken molestation, Delphine for being a totally creepy stalker with no regard for personal space, and lastly…Dorthe, for stealing my apprenticeship with Alvor stupid nepotism! …So, did I play right? Did I win the game?
You did good mate and there was nothin tah win.
Dang it. Oh well.
With that we are out of time for today. I hope yah will join us again tomorrow when we go on with our 28 Days of Character Development where we will have another stimulating good time with Zander, right here on “Inside the Characters Studio”. I am yer host Oliver Clozeoff saying, “Be good, if yah can’t be good, be naughty, but be good at it.” Good night everybody!
I hope you all enjoyed it. Again at the risk of sounding redundant I still need questions for Zander folks, so please, don’t hesitate to ask. If you are shy you can use the form below to send me questions or if you are not shy you can just ask them in the comments section of the blog along with any comments you might have. Thanks again all. See you for the next installment.