Wait A Minute Mister Postman!

Tirdas, 2nd of Hearthfire, 4E

I wake up earlier than normal; my plan is to work at the mill and earn more money to pay for the blacksmithing materials I need to continue my official unofficial apprenticeship. I stare at my door and ready myself for the peering eyes of my stalker Delphine; I open my door and to my surprise she is not there. I know I should not look a gift horse in the mouth but I can’t help but wonder if she has given up on me or maybe found a new target? I can only hope it is one of those two choices.

It is true what they say,”You never know what you have until it is gone.”, that doesn’t apply here. FREEDOM!!!!

I look around and see Delphine sitting and eating breakfast at one of the tables at the far end of the Inn; I quietly make my way to Orgnar and he looks at me and smirks as he notices my attempt to be sneaky. He tells me the food is hot but not to count on it being good; he says this loud enough for the whole Inn to hear and as I turn around and wait for Delphine to be in my face again. To my surprise she hasn’t moved so I order my breakfast and go to sit at the table by the fire; I might be able to enjoy my breakfast without being cramped in a corner.

Let’s see how she likes it! The Stalked has become the Stalker…I feel dirty…

 

Upon finishing a most enjoyable breakfast I smile and look up; my smile quickly turns south as I realize Delphine is standing by the fire stirring the pot and staring at me with her creepy eyes.I knew it was too good to last. Seriously? Your schedule consists of eating breakfast and stalking me? Don’t you have an Inn to run or something? I am seriously considering sleeping on Alvors’ porch at this point. I get up from the table and head outside to catch a shift at the mill; I step outside and I am enveloped by dense fog. I truly hope this fog isn’t some sort of ominous foreboding of doom like Skyrim has once again found me and has the intent to murder me by any means necessary…Nah…

I know horror stories that start this way, but I am not scared! Hold me….

 

I make my way through the fog to the lumber mill and I see Gerdur hard at work at my chopping station; she informs me that no one has set stations and to work at one of the other stations. I head over to the other wood chopping station and get to work; after a while I see Gerdur leaning against the fence and watching me as I chop wood. I get flash backs from Dawnstar and decide to go see if Hod needs any help working the mill again. I head to the mill and on the way I notice a distinct lack or noise coming from the mill. As I walk up the ramp I can see why; Hod hasn’t made it to work yet. I look at the pile of tree length logs and then at the feeder then back at the trees; if Hod can manages to do this alone I am sure I could do it with no trouble. 

If I didn’t know any better I would think she was ogling me.

 

I lift the heavy trees onto the feeder just as I did when I helped Hod yesterday; I then hurry over to the lever and flip the switch. I watch as the blade begins its motion and the water powered feeder pushes the tree through and get split down the middle. I did it, and it only took me judging by the sun…two hours…one log for ever two hours; somehow I do not think Hod will be excited. It is at that moment I hear heavy footsteps up the ramp; Hod has shown up for work. He looks at me then looks at the saw blade which is still running and asks if I was working the mill alone. I tell him I wanted to try it out and he laughed asking how many logs I managed to cut and how long it took; I told him and he laughed even harder. Normally I would feel embarrassed but for some reason I don’t; he tells me I did good and given some more time I will be able to work the mill alone but until then it is a two person job. He motioned to the trees and for me to get back to work.
 
We work at the mill for the rest of the morning; he makes odd comments about hard work and honest pay but I really don’t pay attention until I hear him asking me a direct question. He asks if I have met Camilla yet and I tell him no and he shakes his head and grins before saying he wouldn’t mind getting his hands on her trunks then he laughs a bit. Was that some sort of attempt at male bonding? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t want to upset him so I laughed with him. He then looks at me and nods over at Faendal and tells me he feels bad for him. I ask him why and he just tells me it isn’t his place to say.
 
My stomach begins to growl loudly around mid-day so I tell Hod I am done for the day; he nods and tosses me a large pouch of coin. I thank him and tell him I will be back in the morning; I walk down the ramp and head across the small wooden bridge. As I am counting the coin in the pouch I accidentally bump into Faendal; he is muttering something about wishing Camilla knew how he felt. I seem to remember Sven saying something about Camilla and Faendal but to be honest I really didn’t pay all that much attention to him. Faendal looks up and apologizes for running into me and walks off; I continue on my way to the Sleeping Giant Inn for some lunch.
As I walk down the road I am stopped by Sven who goes off on a rant; saying Camilla Valerius knows he is the best man in Riverwood, and that “elf” is kidding himself if he thinks she would choose him over Sven. Before I can respond he continues by saying he has seen Faendal sneaking over to the Riverwood Trader to speak with Camilla when he is not around. He angrily finishes his rant by saying Faendal is wasting his time. Ok, so let me see if I can break this down into something a little less… crazy. You love Camilla what’s her face and so does Faendal. She knows you are the best man in Riverwood, you think very highly of yourself don’t you? You think “that elf” is kidding himself even though you yourself have seen him “sneaking” over to the Riverwood trader when you are not around. Are you sure he was sneaking and not just, I don’t know…walking? Well hot damn! I think you’re right Sven, why wouldn’t she want to be with an egotistical, arrogant, sexist, racist ass-hat like you? What on Nirn could Camilla be thinking? Oh wait…I think I already answered myself.
 

You sure you are not related to Mikael, because I really want to introduce my fist to your face repeatedly.

He must have missed my sarcastic rant because he then asks me to deliver a note to Camilla for him. So now I am apparently a part of the courier service in Skyrim; I wonder if I get benefits with this job? I shove the note into my bag and continue to walk to the Inn for some lunch; on my way there I walk past Gerdur who tells me that the town is small. Wow that is some good small talk there Gerdur, ha get it? Small talk? I amuse myself. I don’t have time for my amusing inner dialog because as I am walking I see in the fog Creepy McCreeperson hard at work being creep as always; the post men don’t have anything on this guy, he is creepy in all weather.  

Neither rain,nor snow, nor sleet, nor gloom of night, nor fog will keep this creeper from his appointed rounds. Creepin ain’t easy!

 

I head into the inn and see Delphine talking to Orgnar so I sneak to the table behind the pillar to eat my lunch in peace. As I sit there enjoying my cooked beef and water I can’t help but wonder what the hell is so special about this Camilla what’s her face? I try to put this childish love triangle out of my mind but I keep hearing a small obnoxious voice saying “read me” coming from my bag, and before I know it I am reading the note that Sven gave me to give to Camilla. I grind my teeth as I read the note and I want nothing more than to introduce Sven’s nose to my fist. He didn’t give me a love note; no he gave me a note that would make Faendal seem like a pompous, racist, Thalmor! I had no intention on getting involved in this childish love triangle before but now; now I can’t decide whether to show this to Faendal or march over to Camilla and show her what a despicable low life Sven truly is.

Really? Who talks like that? Oh right, assholes…gotcha…

 

After re-reading the note a few times I still do not know what I am going to do but I know something has to be done. I will put it out of my mind for now and head to Alvors’ to get my apprenticeship started for today; I get up from my table and head outside, unfortunately it is still foggy as all get out. I turn and I see McCreeperson hanging out on the porch with two children. Seriously? Is no one watching these kids? I do not think it is any secret that Dorthe is “too nice to strangers” you would think someone would keep an eye on the children. Especially keep the one kid, who has no idea what stranger danger even means, away from the creepy guy, or is that a bit too much to really ask?!? You know what? If no one in this town is worried about the safety of these children around McCreeperson there than neither will I, and no one better come bug me to help find their kid when they mysteriously go missing.

This….this can’t end well….shouldn’t someone be watching the kids and no the creepy guy does not count!

 

I continue down the road to Alvor’s; I sneer at Sven as I pass him, though I doubt he could see it in this fog anyway, but trust me it was a mean look. I greet Alvor as he works, and he nods at me not even looking up at me; he tells me he looked over the work I did for him yesterday and that is was really good work. Before I could thank him for the compliment he continues and tells me that my work was so good that he feels there is no more he can teach me. That’s aweso…wait what now? You’re kidding right? I have only been your apprentice for a few days; you have to have more to teach me. Is this some more of your nepotism; is this because of your daughter? If so I don’t think we have to worry about that much longer; not with McCreeperson down the road. Alvor ignores just about everything I say, maybe because I don’t think I actually said anything at all, and offers me some more commission work. I reluctantly take the orders and buy the materials I need before getting to work and banging out some frustrations. 
 
As I work my mind wanders and I can’t help but wonder what part in the love triangle I will play, if any. Before I could come up with an answer I realize I have finished the work order Alvor gave me and I managed to finish rather quickly; I guess Alvor is right I seem to have surpassed his teaching ability. I sell the items he asked me to make and he tells me they look great; I am about to leave when he stops me. Alvor looks at me for a moment and tells me that even though he can no longer teach me he has a book that might help or rather he had a book that might help. He tells me he lost the book at a near by mine called Embershard mine. I ask him why he hasn’t gone back for the book and he tells me he left the book there when a band of Bandits took over the mine. Oh well that makes sense; who would risk their lives for a book….oh you want me to go get the book don’t you? Sure I will get right on that! I love risking my life for reading material. He must have picked up on my sarcasm because he tells me if retrieving the book is too difficult not to worry about it. Yes because retrieving a book is so easy when the book is in a cave that is full of bandits, here is an idea why not send your real apprentice for the book? I am sure with her attitude towards strangers things will work out quite nicely. {I realize that the last paragraph isn’t in the game but I liked it and to be honest it should be in the game.}
 
I begin to leave Alvors’ smithing area and he stops me and tells me not to be discouraged because he knows of a fine blacksmith that can teach me the ways of steel smithing. He tells me to go see a smith named Lod in Falkreath; he smiles and tells me I was a good student and hands me some directions to Falkreath. I tell Alvor I am not ready to leave town just yet I still haven’t spoken to Faendal about archery lessons; he nods and tells me I can use his forge anytime. I thank Alvor head down the steps looking at the directions; I look up and see Sven and I again growl at him. 
 
I head to the mill to speak with Faendal about some archer and hunting lessons; as I walk by him Sven asks if I have delivered the note. I ignore him and his request to deliver what I can only describe as Thalmorian levels of assery, and I continue to head to the mill and speak with Faendal. I approach Faendal and he is talking to himself about how he wishes Camilla knew how he felt about her; I interrupt his thoughts and before I can ask if he will teach me he goes off on a rant about Sven and how he is a lazy bard. I was expecting more Sven bashing but that’s all he really said instead the rest of his rant was basically an “I love Camilla and this is why” type of thing. He really does have feelings for her; which is more than I could say about Sven who only seems to have feelings for…well, himself. It was at this point, against my better judgment, I have decided I am going to get involved in this love triangle. 
 
I tell Faendal I will talk with him again soon and head across the small wooden bridge towards the Riverwood Trader. I was going to see first hand what made this Camilla person so damn special as to have two grown ass men act like small children all for her. I walk past Sven refraining from just putting his large nose through his small brain and head into the shop; upon entering I see a man and a woman arguing about what to do about the recent theft. After a moment of their bickering the man notices me; he tells me his name is Lucan and he assures me they are open for business, and then he basically begs me to look at his wares. I oblige out of politeness and ask him if Camilla was around and he rolled his eyes mumbling something about another one and points to the woman whom he was arguing with. I thank him for the information and turn to look at her for a moment.

You two go right ahead it’s not like I am a customer or anything.

Well, she is cute I will give her that much but I wouldn’t act like a child to win her hand that is for sure; I approach her and before I could even mention why I had come she tells me I am a strapping young man. Her flirtations took me by surprise and there was an awkward silence; I tell Camilla that I was there with a note for her. Her face sort of lit up right until she read it; I quickly told her it was a fake from Sven to make Faendal look bad. She appears shocked that Sven would be so devious and tells me she will never speak with Sven again; she then asks me to speak with Faendal and let him know what has happened. I tell her I will and leave the store before she tries to seduce me into finding what ever was stolen from the shop. 

Your feminine wiles will not work on me….I am a strapping young man you say…well shucks you’re not bad looking either…now just wait a minute…

 

I pass Sven who smirks at me and gives me thumbs up. I can’t help but laugh at this as I walk by, knowing full well that he will find out what has happened later. I walk across the small wooden bridge and I am actually feeling good about my decision; lord only knows what would have happened had I told Faendal about Sven’s letter, though I am almost certain it would have been smarter than writing a fake letter and asking a complete stranger to deliver it for you.

OK, so he does have a fake note but at least his is believable!

I tell Faendal everything that happened and he curses Sven and then thanks me for what I did and hands me a small pouch of coins for my troubles. He tells me if I need anything that I only have to ask; I smile because I do indeed need something.
 
I tell Faendal that I need a teacher for hunting and archery lessons; he smiles and tells me he would be glad to help me out with what he could. He pulls his bow out and tells me he usually charges for lessons but because I helped him maintain his good name with Camilla he will teach me for free. He proceeds to give me some lessons on the spot and after a while I feel I know a significant amount more about archery; Faendal smiles and tells me that I am a quick study but he could not teach me anymore until I gained a little more experience as a hunter. I thank him and he tells me he is sure I will be ready for more lessons soon; he then asks me to join him for dinner at his house so we can talk more. I agree and we set out for his home; we walk past Sven and we both could see the confusion on his face as we walked by him. Faendal asked me if I thought Sven knew what I had done yet and I just laughed shaking my head.
 
Upon entering Faendal’s house I noticed a lot of trophies on the wall and I stood taking them all in; he smirked and told me to take a seat and he would bring dinner. I sit down and not more than a moment later does he put a nice large venison steak in front of me; this was going to be the best meal I have had since I left Cyrodill. He sits next to me and he tells me he misses his home in Valenwood but the hunting here is good; we enjoy our meal and make small talk for a bit, he tells me of the time he took down a bear at three hundred yards in a blizzard. We sat in an awkward silence for a bit as we continued to eat; after a few moments he began talking about how much he cared for Camilla and how he wished she knew how he felt. I thought the awkward silence was bad this is much worse; I politely excuse myself and head for the door. Faendal thanks me again as I leave; I tell him not to worry about it and take my leave. I can’t believe I basically clear the path for Faendal to pursue his love and he is still going on about how he wishes she knew; he had better grow a pair and let her know and stop being such a wuss about it.

You wish Camilla knew how you felt…What the hell man? Stop being a Debbie downer and go freaking tell her ya wuss! …Y-you gonna eat that bread?

 

I walk into the inn and speak with Delphine about a room; I don’t even really mind asking Delphine for a room tonight. I walk into my room and shut the door, kick my shoes off and lay in bed and think about the day I just had. I somehow managed to learn all I could from Alvor and get directions to a new mentor, made a friend in Faendal, ruined Sven’s love life, though I am sure there is a goat or a sheep around these parts he will warm up to, and Faendal agreed to be my archery teacher. It was a pretty good day if I do say so myself; now I just need to think on going to Falkreath to further my smithing studies, but if I do that I won’t be able to continue my archery lessons. Unless…maybe Faendal will want to join me…nah probably not.
 
Good night Riverwood….I have much to ponder…Good night Skyrim and your eerie fog of foreboding…better luck next time.
{I know this is a late entry but better late than never right? I hope everyone enjoys the entry as always I look forward to your comments.}
Advertisements

About Pyrelle

I am married to a wonderful woman. I enjoy video games and have been playing MMO and RPG based games for over 14 years. I enjoy writing and drawing, never considered myself good at it either. Dispite having a degree in graphic design I have never used it.
Gallery | This entry was posted in Misadventures of Zander and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Wait A Minute Mister Postman!

  1. “He asks if I have met Camilla yet and I tell him no and he shakes his head and grins before saying he wouldn’t mind getting his hands on her trunks then he laughs a bit.” Bahaha. What does that even mean?

    I also liked your little not-in-the-game addition. If you hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have thought it was out of place at all.

    Faendal’s awkwardness…so very true. But, nah, of course he wouldn’t want to follow you…nope, don’t be silly!

  2. “He must have missed my sarcastic rant because he then asks me to deliver a note to Camilla for him.”

    This, this is my very favorite part.

    • Pyrelle says:

      Well it is true he is so self absorbed I figure he doesn’t listen to anyone else but himself so why would he listen to me? That and it gave me a chance to rant…I do like a good rant.

  3. adantur says:

    Hod said that to me too, he’s a lad that one! It’s a good job I’m heading out of Riverwood soon as we seem to be doing pretty much the same things ha. It’s nice to see a new twist on things though and I think Zander should just tell Faendal straight, “stop being such a goddamn pussy!”
    P.S. Your Camilla is far more attractive, in the original game she looks really old and skinny.

    • Pyrelle says:

      I made a mod for that! LoL, I made changes to all the marriable women. I had to I just couldn’t see anyone in vanilla that I would remotely want to be married to so they had to be changed…I will work on males eventually too just to be fair maybe even make Farkas and Vilkas actual twins with matching attire as well.

      • adantur says:

        Ah well done it looks really good, I’ve never tried my hand at modding, which is a little odd considering I’m a aspiring game programmer. But then again I am far too lazy for anything extra like that, it’s hard enough for me to keep up with this blog and do uni work at the same time!

      • Pyrelle says:

        I wouldn’t really call what i made a real mod since i only changed things like hair and makeup ect. The real modders out there make things like new cities or quests. What i did only took me like an hour. I wish I could do some real modding, I have a ton of ideas but no clue how to accomplish what I see in my head.

      • adantur says:

        This is where our imagination comes in haha

      • Pyrelle says:

        =) my imagination isnt the problem it is learning the programs and technical stuff to make what I imagine into reality

      • adantur says:

        I meant just imagining the stuff you want in game is there ha!

      • Pyrelle says:

        Ah, well I do for the most part but I have a whole kingdom in my head that isn’t in the game =(

  4. lo zin says:

    Argh! I commented on this ages ago but apparently it didn’t “work.” Internet! Bad!

    Anyway I love that you made the Riverwood love triangle interesting again… even if Faendal is well and truly not the elf for me, or anyone!

    • Pyrelle says:

      Even if he were he is too much of a pansy to even do anything about it. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy his archery lessons but I think Zander found someone who is worse with women than he is.

      • lo zin says:

        On a completely unrelated note… I totally uploaded the wrong Skyrim video yesterday. Buahahaha! I didn’t mean to give you a three minute version of me whining about a tent! I’ve deleted it… you’ll be one of the unlucky few who saw it. I’ll upload a longer ep soon. 🙂

      • Pyrelle says:

        LOL no worries I’ll just catch it up again next monday 🙂

  5. 201bones says:

    Nice post,They should have put that bit with alvors book In-game,It would fit seamlessly.
    On a completely unrelated not,I have 2 weeks of holidays so im gonna do kadraan posts soon(when i tried a little while ago I accidentally deleted the save… Fail much :I)

  6. “On my way there I pass Gerdur, and she tells me the town is small.” LOL!!! Also, I really love the term “asshat.” I can’t read it–and I especially can’t say it aloud–without cracking up.

  7. Mind-blowingly hilarious, mate!!! It’s been ages since I had a good laugh!!! 😂😂😂 Awesome work, bro!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s