Shot in the ass… and you’re to blame!

Loredas, 23rd of Last Seed, 4E

I wake up relatively early, it is around 5:30 give or take ten minutes. My sleep was restless again, no bad dreams just restless. Even though I probably only got a good three or four hours of real sleep I feel invigorated. I get out of bed and get ready for the day, I wonder what Skyrim will have in store for me today. I hit the bar first for some breakfast, my coin purse is getting very light, I need to figure out how to make some money, since hunting is getting me no where fast, and mining has been put on hiatus while they try to find more ore deeper in the mines; who knows how long that could take.

I finish my breakfast and decide to go hunting, what the hell, it is bound to get better right? I gather my gear and leave the Windpeak Inn. I step out the door and low and behold it is the prettiest day ever.

Its pretty; oh so pretty… almost enough to make me forget that it wants me dead.

I wonder if Skyrim is sleeping in again, well I for one am not going to waste this day. Maybe hunting was the best choice after all; I will get to be outside during a pretty day for the first time ever, and I will get a chance to gather the supplies I need, win win.

As I head out of town and I glance over my shoulder as I exit the Dawnstar; Abelone is awake mighty early, that poor woman all she does is chop wood and…hey that’s right I can work for Thoring. Well if hunting doesn’t pan out today I can chop wood for my rent money.

Now that I have some sort of plan worked out it is time to go hunting, but first I want to check out that little temple looking place where I met those Vigilants of Stendarr. I don’t know why but it seems intriguing almost like something is calling me there, like it is a right of passage for all would be hunters or something. If I remember correctly it wasn’t too far from the town. I just have to follow the road and I’ll be there in no time.

I can see it from the road; I head up to it and there it is; there is just something about this place, I can‘t put my finger on it though. It seemed scarier and more ominous looking last night but now that I see it in the day light like this it doesn’t seem so bad. Still there is still no way in Oblivion I am going in there. It is an interesting structure sure, however I must get to the task at hand, every moment not hunting is a septim lost.

I decide to venture up the road a bit and further into the wooded area that is near the road. It seems this area would be prime for hunting, plenty of trees and rocks, I could imagine hiding here if I were an animal. I climb up a large rock and what do I happen to see a large deer, and some ore I can mine.

To mine or to hunt that is the question. Whether it is nobler to dig through rock or shoot a deer…shooting a deer it is!

I pass up the ore and draw my bow, taking aim, I decide to get closer in hopes I won’t completely miss like I did yesterday.

There is no way I can miss…right…right? Please don’t let me miss!

Slowly creeping up on the deer, I stop and settle, taking aim; I let loose my arrow, it flies straight and true and hits directly into the neck a kill shot, or one would think but no it takes off like a bat out of hell. I give chase quickly shooting three more arrows at it with no luck. This is enough to drive a man to drink, you know more than I already do, which is quite a bit since I can’t afford a decent ale to save my life.

I refuse to yield, not today, today is my day! I chase it through the woods and as I run past a tree I feel a sharp sting in my ass. I grab where I felt the sting; there seems to be something attached to my rear armor. I pull it free and there in my hands is an arrow, before I can think I feel the cool breeze as another arrow zooms past my head. What in Oblivion? I look and there is someone shooting at me. I can’t tell but I think this guy thinks I am a two-legged iron fur deer, or it’s a bandit. It is more than likely a bandit, well two can play this game sir!

Dueling archers, more fun than a bag of hair…

I draw my bow and let my arrow fly it hits him, I dodge his next arrow and let mine loose upon him, but before it could land I see from the side a giant and a mammoth attacking him.

I don’t know why the Mammoth saved me, I just want to know where to send the thank you basket of peanuts.

They make quick work of him, that’s an understatement, they smeared him into a snow paste is what they did. I stay back and watch as they wander away a little bit before I go to investigate the bandit paste stain.

The mammoth watches me as I look at the bandit, I inspect the poor pulp stain that used to be a bandit and he has a nice hood, well since he wont be needing it and I don’t think the giant or mammoth care, I put it in my bag. I almost feel bad for him I really do, well O.K. not at all, he was a jerk anyway good riddance.

Here lies the faceless bandit paste stain, trampled and clubbed to death by a Giant and his pet Mammoth…..He would want me to have his hood…

I look up and the mammoth is still watching me, well Mr. Mammoth I will just be backing away slowly, thank you for making a bandit smear in the snow. I look up and in the distance I can see some smoke, well I am getting kind of cold and where there is smoke there is fire so I make my way over to where the smoke was; being sure to give the giant and the mammoth a wide berth as I pass them.

I know they just saved me and all but the way Mr. Mammoth was eyeing me I don’t think they take kindly to people like me, and by people like me I mean anything that isn’t huge and furry.

After a bit of a hike I make it to what seems to be some sort of camp, there are cheese basket things and the fire is huge, almost like it was made for….crap it was made for giants. I realize this as I see the giant making his way towards me. I run as fast and as quietly as I can as I see the giant that had helped me earlier making his way into the camp. I hope he didn’t see me, then again if he had I think I would be a stain in the snow like that bandit back there. I don’t even bother looking back, I don’t want to know if death is stalking me in the form of a giant with a massive club. O.K. one look wont kill me…I hope…

No Mr. Giant, I was nowhere near your camp. You have a nice day making bandit smears in the snow. Take care, bye-bye, Don’t mind me I am just going to be going…anywhere else but here…

I head back into the woods, giving the Giant and his Mammoth a lot of space, keeping my eye on them both as I circle around their camp site. I stumble and fall into the snow. What the hell? What did I trip on? Looking down I now see why the Giant and Mammoth had come to my rescue. I tripped on the dead body of a female bandit. When will bandits learn not to try to mug giants.

This settles it. Giants don’t like anything that is not huge and furry! That has to put a crimp its social life…

Heading into the woods again probably is not the best idea at this point so I get back on the trail that leads to Dawnstar. Maybe I should just go back and chop some wood. Hunting is hard and I am seemingly not that good at it. Though that would be a waste of this gorgeous day; that settles it, until Skyrim wakes up and tries to openly kill me; I will continue to hunt. Just this time, I am going in an area I sort of know and am fairly familiar with.

I continue a bit down the road to Dawnstar and a wolf jumps out of the brush attacking, but almost instantly gets its head caved in quickly. That was one mean woman sporting a giant mace, and she didn’t even skin the wolf she dispatched or nothing. She just carried on down the road as if nothing had even happened. Well you know what they say, finders keepers; no take backs. I skin the wolf but fail to butcher it effectively, one day I will learn how to butcher properly. Oh well, this looks like as good a spot as any to search the tundra for some game.

Wandering the tundra for a little bit I see someone in the distance it looks like a monk standing over something, it almost looks like it could be M’aiq the Liar. Nah it couldn’t be, could it? Last time I saw him he was in Cyrodiil. I get closer and sure enough it is M’aiq and he is standing over a dead body.

M’aiq, old buddy, old pal, old friend….sooooo whats with the dead guy?

I have learned to never ask M’aiq many questions because you never know if what he is saying is true or not but I had to know what happened. I greet him and ask him what happened. Apparently the bandit tried to steal M’aiqs’ skooma. Note to self never come between a Kahjiit and skooma. I follow-up and ask him how he got here, he doesn’t answer. Typical M’aiq, he never really gives a straight answer it is always something completely different. He mentions that dragons were never gone, they were just invisible and very very quiet. Crazy M’aiq, you never change. Dragons, yeah good one.

Before I take my leave of M’aiq, I search the bandit for anything of use. I look through the belongings and I find a note to a treasure hunter, interesting, I’ll have to read this later. I politely take my leave of M’aiq and carry on my way.

It was good seeing him though I still wonder how he got here, granted he is the fastest Kahjiit I have ever seen, it is still a heck of a long way to travel. Then again I guess if I can do it so could he. I ponder this as I continue on to the small camp I had found a few days earlier, I figure I can make this my base camp while I hunt.

I sit and relax at the camp fire while I eat my lunch. I can’t help but feel that today has been a waste of a day. Though it is a near perfect day to hunt, I haven’t found much game, and what game I had found managed to get away, courtesy of an arrow in the ass, or was killed by someone else. Who am I kidding the deer would have gotten away even if I didn’t take an arrow to the butt cheek, and I should count myself lucky to get this skin from an abandoned wolf. I will give it two more hours and if I haven’t found any game to hunt by then I will head back to Dawnstar and start my life of manual labor.

Another ship wreck? I guess Skyrim just hates ships.

I head out towards the coast and I can see a ship wrecked boat. It seems like Skyrim strikes again. It feels like it has been a life time since I made my escape from certain doom via ship wreck; when in fact it has only been seven days. Seven days, wow, it feels like so much more time has passed. I can’t think about this now, it is just way too depressing.

I walk up a hill, it is an odd hill with large stones surrounding the top of it; it almost looks like a giant burial mound, kind of creepy. I slide down the hill as I see a fox, my luck is changing. I draw my bow and take aim and the fox darts off. What the? I know I didn’t make any noise. That’s when I see a pack of wolves chase after the fox, I stand there in shock, I have never seen so many wolves in one place before.

I watch them make quick work of the fox. I stand in awe for a moment; before I know it they are charging at me. Crap! They are hunting me now! Yeah my luck changed alright! I try to run but it is no use, they are catching up to me easily. This armor may protect me but it sure is heavy, I couldn’t out run a snail in this stuff. Is this how it ends? Not with a grand gesture, not with the cheering crowd of the arena, nope it ends with me being a tasty treat for a pack of vicious wolves.

I draw my bow and start letting arrows fly. I hit the charging wolves randomly, killing one as it reached my feet.

I put an arrow in your face! You better die!

I draw my sword and my shield, I won’t go down without a fight, even if it is a one-sided massacre. They circle me each taking turns lunging at me. I do my best to hide behind my shield, taking blind swipes as they attack. They are going to completely shred me if I don’t think of something fast.

There are too many to run from, and too many to try to out maneuver. At this rate it is going to take a miracle for me to just survive. One of the wolves lunge at me and without thinking I slam my shield into its head. It’s staggered, now is my chance to at least take another one of these flea bags down. I hack and slash at the wolf while it is still stunned and in no time it falls to the ground dead.

Well now I have a plan, bash their wee noggins in with my shield, and while it is staggered, carve it like a holiday boar. The tactic seems to be working; I don’t know how or why it works it just does. One after another the wolves fall dead. I have killed the majority of them.

I have smashed your skull in, cut your body up why won’t you just die?!?!

I could safely run, but something is compelling me to finish the job. I can feel my life force fading but at this moment I just don’t care, I want them all dead. I charge at the remaining wolf bashing and slashing until it finally goes limp and slumps to the ground.

In the end, there can be only ONE!

I look around at the furry carnage and I can’t help but remember my times at the arena. I stand there, covered in blood, my sword in hand victorious. I suppose one never truly forgets that life, no matter how hard they try. I kneel in the snow to skin and butcher the fallen wolves, before I know it I am again attacked by more wolves.

Liam Neeson ain’t got nothin on me!

What in Oblivion is going on? Does it say all you can eat on my back or something? Do they not see the piles of dead wolf corpses at my feet? You would think they would get the hint, wolves are supposed to be smart, this isn’t…well ok it is smart since I am knocking on the door of the afterlife. At least this time it is only three of them.

I scramble for my shield and sword and start bashing anything that moves. I try to hobble away before they regain their senses but that’s a no go; I am too injured and too tired to make a great escape. I will have to make my stand.

I see a large formation of rocks close by, and a plan forms in my head as I get to them as swiftly as I can with wolves nipping at my heels. I place my back against a giant rock and I bash and slash at them as best as I can.  At least this way they can not circle around me, they are forced into a frontal assault, this favors me and my shield…slightly.

My flesh feels like ground meat as I make my stand, err well my lean, as I am leaning against the rock now just to stay on my feet. With the little energy I have left I make a last-ditch effort to kill the wolves. I no longer have the strength to bash with my shield; I begin to swing my sword wildly. I am in shock as one by one the wolves drop.

Paper covers rock, Rock smashes scissors, Scissors cuts paper…Sword impales Wolf! I win!

Thank the nine, I am alive, barely but alive none the less. I stand against the rock in disbelief breathing deeply trying to catch my breath. I slide down the rock and slump to the snow-covered ground, taking a moment to let the realization of what just happened sink in. I look around at my surroundings trying to determine where I am. Dawnstar is too far and I am in no shape to make the trip in one session. I will head back to base camp, it shouldn’t be too far. I will rest there for a bit and gather some strength before making my way back to town.

I gather myself up from the snow and hobble towards the direction of base camp, slow and steady, I don’t want to fall down; I don’t think I will be able to get back up if I do. I can feel some of my strength return as I make my way to the camp site. A feeling of warmth washes over me as I plop down in front of the camp fire.

Nothing better than toasting marshmallows over an open flame…now if only I had some marshmallows.

As I sit there I notice the suns position in the sky. Well this is shitty, I only have about two hours to get back to town, and I just got here too. I could stay here tonight I suppose, but who knows what will happen around here at night. For all I know, the real owners of this camp site are hunters like me, and when i say like me I mean nothing like me because they probably know how to hunt, and I don’t think they would take too kindly to someone making themselves at home in their camp.

It’s not a real option anyway; I have to get back to town that is all there is to it. I know one thing though, after today I better have enough supplies to build my own camp site. I will double-check the book when I get back to my room just to make sure. I stand up and begrudgingly make my way back to town. I feel more of my strength returning. I just hope nothing else tries to kill, maim, batter, shoot, or eat me on my way back.

While hobbling back to town I notice movement in the distance. Not wanting to rouse the ire of anything I try to sneak and get a closer look to see what it is. I peer out and what do I see, a deer, large as life. It would be perfect if I could land a kill shot on this deer. It would except for the fact that I am, too tired, and too injured to pursue it should it run away. It is your lucky day deer now be gone before I change my mind.

You’re lucky deer. I am too damn tired to try to put an arrow in your face!

I hobble down the beach a bit and I come upon a shallow cave, well it’s not so much a cave as it is some make shift shelter. I get closer to the rock shelter and I notice bones and blood.

Blood, bones, dark cove, sure nothing bad could happen here.

Whatever lives here I want no part of. I make my way up the hill and I look out into the wild. It is an incredible view, how something so beautiful can be so damn deadly is beyond me. I am close to Dawnstar now and a good thing too, because the sun is setting fast.

A view to die for…and if you stay out there long enough you will.

I see Abelone as I hobble down the road. She stops to inform me that I don’t look well. You don’t say? I wonder why; could it be that I was shot in the ass by a bandit, invaded a giants camp, and had to defend myself against not one wolf not two, but a whole pack of wolves, who thought I tasted like a nice, tender, juicy steak! Could that be why? Could it Abelone? I don’t look well…bah I say BAH! I look just fine considering. Thanks for your insight.

I enter the Windpeak Inn and stand at the fire, warming myself up a bit. As I thaw out my stomach reminds me ever so lovingly that it wants food and it wants it now! I head over to the bar and sit down. Luckily there are not many people around so Karita doesn’t feel the need to regale me with a song, thank the nine. I talk to Thoring and thanks to the two bandits I came across today I am able to afford some food as well as a room.

I buy my dinner and eat while listening to Karita play her instruments. I give her credit she isn’t half bad with those instruments.

She knows how to handle that instrument.

I finish my meal and ask Thoring about a room. He looks at me oddly and tells me I already rented a room from him. I did? When was this? Is he confusing me with someone else? Is someone running around pretending to be me? Or maybe he is just taking pity on me, yeah that is more likely than someone running around pretending to be me.

I accept Thorings’ generosity even if it is out of character for him. I toss my bag in the corner of the room and fall face first onto the bed. Even when the weather is calm Skyrim finds a way to try to kill me. I wonder what I did to piss Skyrim off so much.

I stare at the ceiling, listening to the crowd as they start to come into the tavern hoping Karita keeps playing the flute so I can sleep.

Good night Skyrim; you tricked me into thinking it was safe with a gorgeous day only to sick a pack of wolves on me. Lesson learned Skyrim… lesson…learned…

{Thanks everyone for the support and I hope you all continue to enjoy the blog. I love the comments I have been getting, keep em coming.}{Edited to fix the blaring spelling over sights.}


About Pyrelle

I am married to a wonderful woman. I enjoy video games and have been playing MMO and RPG based games for over 14 years. I enjoy writing and drawing, never considered myself good at it either. Dispite having a degree in graphic design I have never used it.
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17 Responses to Shot in the ass… and you’re to blame!

  1. “give or take ten minuets”
    I hope this isn’t a typo and is some creative way that people in Tamriel keep time. I like Bach’s Minuet in G. I have a version starred on Spotify that is played in such a way as to sound somewhat melancholy.

    Also, I see that you are using song lyrics in your titles and I’m going to pretend that I inspired that.

  2. kitdoctor says:

    Congrats on making a prolonged stay in Dawnstar interesting. I left early primarily because I didn’t think I’d be able to do it myself.

    • Pyrelle says:

      Trust me it wasn’t by choice. When I say Zander is broke I mean it, and getting the material needed for a camping kit has been a nightmare. I origionally had no intention of staying more than two days, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. They never get you laid the best way.

      • kitdoctor says:

        Ha. Too true. Well I suppose the rest of Skyrim will taste all the sweeter once Dawnstar is in the rear-view mirror. Also, I should think the excess of wolves should provide you with enough pelts for that particular tent now at least.

      • Pyrelle says:

        In deed it has, Skyrim may be trying to kill me but it is also providing me with what I need to survive, just not as quickly as Zander would like, poor chew toy of a man.

  3. Lori Fontan says:

    I’ll use him as a chew toy.. *Purr* ❤

  4. Oh, no. Abalone says he doesn’t look good. He’s got rockjoint again, doesn’t he?

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