But this ship can’t sink!

Sundas, 17th of Last Seed, 4E

I buy my freedom from the arena. Scrounge enough money to book passage to Skyrim to start a new life, and how does Skyrim welcome me? It sinks my ship!

“Head to Skyrim.” they said, “You can start a new life.” they said,”Loads of wenches and ale.” they said, well no one ever said anything about a sinking ship and freezing water, where was that in the Skyrim Travel Brochure?

I gather my breath and dive under the water searching for some sort of escape. I can’t see much of anything, I do manage to find some fur clothing, this will definitely come in handy, if they were, you know dry and i had a dry place to store them instead of being wet and useless. Oh well something for later is better than the thin clothing I have on, especially if what they say about Skyrim is true, I’ll need all the warmth I can get….wenches….not the time for idle day dreaming. Save life then get wenches.

I continue looking for an escape, and signs of life, I find the opposite on both fronts. A dead corpse floats by, rest in peace, or what passes for peace in sub freezing water. I dive back down and find some ale, well at least there’s ale, OH and a mace, not really my style but maybe I can bash my way out…..or not god its cold, why in the world did I come here? Oh, right…new life.

I find a few books and shove them in my bag, once they dry out I can use them as kindling, that is unless I become an Imperial pop, now in Zander flavor!
I take another deep breath and dive again, there has to be a way out right? It’s not my fate to die frozen under water, is it? Well IS IT? LIGHT, I SEE LIGHT, OH THANK THE NINE!!

I pop my head out of the water and crawl onto the damp wood. Shivering, wet and gasping for air, I turn my head and im laying next to this guy.

I see dead people.
If he knows the way out he isn’t telling…

Poor bastard, I wonder what his story was. There is no time to rest I can feel the water on my skin freezing and forming ice crystals. I can’t really see a way out looks like more swimming, it’s so cold now I’m having trouble breathing, but I can’t stay here to die so swim it is.

I dive again. This time I don;t really feel the cold…thats not a good sign is it? I see a hole in the hull, this is good news. I frantically kick my numb legs and pop my head out the water. I see….ICE….wonderful. I climb onto the sinking ship and gaze out I can see land, It is miles away but I can see it none the less. I glance over my shoulder and see yet another dead passenger, a mage this time.

So by my count that is 3 dead passengers, but no crew? What the hell? Did they all just leave us to die!? I didn’t even see the captain, what kind of captain doesn’t go down with the ship?!? A smart one I guess, since he is probably on dry land, in a warm tavern somewhere, with a beautiful wench and a cold ale. While I’m stuck on a sinking boat, in the middle of freezing waters, what looks to be miles away from land, with three frozen dead people, but at least I have cold ale….speaking of ale I am kind of thirsty.

Having drank the one ale I had, I do feel a bit warmer…right until I see the giant friggen ice burg that I need to get to, back in the water I go….worst…cruise….ever….
Standing on the iceberg I look towards land but out in the distance I can see a man laying on the ice, I don’t think he is sleeping. I make my way to him, yep another dead passenger. At least this poor fellow made it, what am I saying he didn’t make it, he is dead, on ice even, oh the irony.

I fear I may end up just like the others. The shore line is a long ways away, I’m freezing, the only food I have are frozen stale apples, I have no drink, the only warmth I have is still wet, and the only structure I can see in the distance looks to be at least a few days away at best. OK, snap out of it Zander.

I hate to do this but, I’m sorry sir, I have to search you. I’ll be needing your supplies if I am going to survive. I reluctantly search the dead passenger, luckily he was carrying some torches, now if I can find a way to light them I can use them for some warmth. An Imperial sword as well, this is good, I know how to use this. A dagger as well, it couldn’t hurt to have a dagger, you never know what you’ll need to poke. Iron armor too…hmmmm nope, I”m already cold enough and I do not feel like being pulled down to the bottom of the ocean floor. No food or water, well that’s not good.

S.S.Death Trap, the name should have tipped me off.

 I look back at the ship and wonder if I should have searched the other bodies, no it’s too late, besides I already took this fellows stuff and I feel horrible enough about that.

I reluctantly get back into the water and start swimming for shore, I climb up onto some ice patches and slowly walk across them to another iceberg, like this place needs more icebergs. I look out to the shore and notice another sunken ship. What the hell, another sunken ship? Really Skyrim, really? No wonder no one ever mentions this crap, if they did no one would ever come here, it’s a freaking death trap that’s what it is, but it’s not gonna get me, no sir no way no how. You hear me Skyrim? I will Survive!

I get back in the water and start swimming again, I sware you would think i were a fish by now. OW… OW… crap! I’m being attacked by not one but two slaughterfish. For the life of me I can’t seem to fight them off, well its time to run… er SWIM for it! The shore line is too far away, I have to turn back to the ice patches. I claw myself up onto what I hope is safety the slaughterfish is still trying to eat me. I frantically grab for my sword and dagger and swing wildly, a few swings and its dead, but its partner is still out there, waiting for me, it had a taste of Zander and it wants more, I know it!

The shore line was so close but never farther away. I would never make it there with a slaughterfish eating at me. I have to find another way. Ugh, hunger pains set in as well, all I have is some stale apples, I glance over at the dead slaughterfish that is floating near the ice where I killed it, if I can get some meat off of it I’m sure and find a way to some how light a torch to cook it.

Alas a fish monger I am not, the only thing I salvage is scales, you can’t eat scales…well you could I suppose… why the hell not? I choke down the scales, wishing I had something to wash them down with. Suddenly I feel warm, don’t get me wrong, I am still hungry but at least I am warm for the first time today.

I guess the scales made me resistant to frost. I remember some of the Alchemists back home telling me they ate stuff to figure out what potions they could create. I just figured they were trying to cover up being weird. Guess I should appologize to them, if I ever see them again.

This is the best thing to happen to me today. With the newly found resistance to frost I muster up some courage and try again to make it to shore. Jumping into the water feet first only to have them bitten by the damn slaughterfish again. For the life of me I still can not seem kill it while I am in the water swimming. I hurry back to my safe little ice-cube. Stareing down at the slaughterfish watching it swim back and forth waiting for another taste. I fear the frost resistance is starting to fade away.

I shiver on the large ice block and stare at the shore line. It’s so close, stupid fish. I glance back in the direction of the sunken ship I managed to escape, it’s too far away for me to see now. I glance over to the other floating ice chunks. I wonder if I can trick the fish, I mean it’s a fish for Maras’ sake! I hop from one ice chunk to the next slowly. My stomach hurting from hunger. I scarf down my apples but it’s not enough and I think I broke a tooth from them being frozen. I jump on the last ice patch and look over to where the slaughterfish was, yep still there. I did it, now if I can just make it to shore.

I jump in the frigid water and swim for all my worth. I swim for what seems like forever. Finally I hit land! YES! Take that Skyrim! Take that Nameless captain who is sucking down ale in a nice warm tavern, surrounded by beautiful wenches….*sigh* who am I kidding, if I don’t find some shelter, some food and some water, I’m done for.

I stand in one spot, shivering, my arms wrapped around myself and my legs bouncing back and forth like I’m doing the dang pee pee dance trying to get warm. This is not helping. I inhale deeply…I smell food. Mmm, glorious food. It smells like it is coming from just over the hill by the other ship wreck.

He will help me, I know he will!

Slowly climbing the hill and looking to the other side of the rocks I see it. The most glorious thing I have ever seen. AN ARGONIAN CAMP SITE. I think it’s an Argonian camp site, or maybe its just an Argonian camper, or maybe he is the sole survivor of this ship wreck.

I make my approach, cautiously. Is he friendly? Will he help me? More importantly, will he share his food and fire with me?

I Introduce myself to him. He tells me he is Deekus and asks if I had any questions. Do I have any questions? Who me? Nah, I’m good….OF COURSE I HAVE QUESTIONS YOU BLUE DOLT! I don’t say this mind you because…well because I am freaking hungry. He continues to ask me if I have any questions. So I ask him my questions but the only answer I get is, “Do you have any questions?”

ARGH!! I think the combination of saltwater and freezing temperatures has seriously hindered this lizards brain! I stand there shivering, hungry, thirsty, and slightly, no not slightly, mostly irritated by this half witted lizard. I am ready to pass out, then he asks a new question, “Need Something?” YES!! For the love of all that is holy yes! Please sir may I have some of your delicious smelling salmon. He doesn’t object, in fact he doesn’t do much of anything, sounds like an invitation to dinner to me!

I go over to his camp fire and reach for the salmon. I don’t think about it, I just eat it. Under normal circumstances I would have noticed that the salmon was raw, but I figured it was over a fire it should be cooked…wishful thoughts, that’s what that was. Well, I guess I know now why Deekus wasnt eating, I proceed to vomit.

So now I am cold, damp, thirsty, hungry and sick to my stomach! Well it beats the hell out of being stuck on a large patch of ice in the middle of the sea with an angry fish trying to eat me.

I notice there is only one bed roll, I give Deekus the puppy dog look but I don’t think he is buying it. Fine, its time to move on. I have to find some kind of shelter and some edible food. I check my bag to see if maybe just maybe the fur armor I salvaged was dry….its not, ok moving on. Bye Deekus….you daft blue sack of…*grumble*

I walk off and I now have a decision to make, head west or head east, I can see buildings in both directions, though the one to the west does seem closer, I just hope I make it.
Westward bound! I wish my fur was dry so I could put it on and be warm but it’s not and these flimsy cloths are still damp as well and the wind isn’t helping at all. I Head south following the shore line, looking back at the setting sun over the ocean water, very pretty for a death trap.

Skyrim, the beautiful killer.

I continue to follow the shoreline, my legs are growing heavier, I’m getting more and more tired. I start to notice I am now heading east. It seems that I am on a freaking island! Well this won’t do, this won’t do at all. It seems I am going to need to swim in the freezing water…again. To get to the other side…. Hey! Is that fire on the other shore side? It is! I can probably set up camp there….oh look wolves…just great there are wolves blocking my way to the nice, warm, inviting, life-sustaining fire!

Well I can either go further down the beach and cross there and make my way to the fires and hope the wolves leave me alone…or hope I remember everything I learned during my time in the arena. Possible death either way but I am not too confident I remember how to fight anymore. That was a long time ago. I should try the more strategic route. Yes I should definitely try the more strategic route, but I’m not going to, I am cold, wet, thirsty, hungry and tired.

The shortest distance between two points is through those wolves. TO BATTLE!!

I swim across the small gap of water and proceed to swing my sword wildly at them and before I knew it I had dispatched three wolves. These wolves could help me live, I skin them for their pelts and their meat. However, no butcher am I. I only manage to get some of their pelts. It’s enough to keep me warm, not to mention smelly and bloody as well.

I am exhausted and those fires should keep me warm through the night, if I live that long.
Making my way to the fires I have to cross a small patch of water, like getting wetter is really gonna bother me at this point.

I notice a foul stench, a smell I have smelled before. Oh, right, I remember now its the smell of burnt flesh. And there it is the charred remains of some mage and look a book I can use to keep the fires going. Thanks mage, who ever you were, and since im not touching your charcoal body I will never know.

Rough day? Tell me about it…

This will not change my plans I am staying here tonight, burning corpse and all. I use my sword to dig a small trench for me to sleep in, hopefully no wild animals notice me hidden among the flames.

Good night Skyrim….you wretched death trap.

{I hope to you enojyed the first passage of The Misadventures of Zander. Please leave comments or constructive critisism. If you liked it please follow me. I intend to post once a week if not more depending on playing time and what not. Again I hope you enjoyed the first of what I hope to be many posts. Thank you.}


14 thoughts on “But this ship can’t sink!

    1. I am glad you liked it =)

      I am going to have another one out soon just ran into a small issue with my screenshots, but as soon as that is worked out there will be another one.

  1. Pingback: An Orc’s Life, Part 8: The Inner-Orc « An Orc's Life

  2. Do you have any questions?

    No, I’m good! OF COURSE I HAVE QUESTIONS! Starting with where the hell am I? And why are you just sitting here hoarding jewels and refusing to share your bedroll? Argonians! They have no sense of hospitality, I swear!

    Fantastically funny! I love Zander’s voice.

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